Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
