I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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