you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
