PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
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i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
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COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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