I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
