dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
