When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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