They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
