A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
