Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
