i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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