i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
