Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
