bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
