He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
