I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
