bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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