did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
