his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
