We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
