lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
