dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
