you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He? As in you personified your dick?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
