did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
We smell like vodka and hangover
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