He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Randomize
