Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Life without a bra equals bliss.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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