wat bout pragnant strippers??
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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