I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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