Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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