Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I need help removing her.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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