who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
