North Korea, Best Korea!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
