Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
