i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
