Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
