Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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