Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
