my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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