DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
