i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
