He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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