why didn't you poke me back
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
