Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Are my feet made of real feet?
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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