I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
