is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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