I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
