It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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