What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
