She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
