I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
