Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
