Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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