Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
