I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
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You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
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He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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