I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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