Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
