So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
