I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Randomize
