Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
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