Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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