We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
