Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I did not marry a roomba.
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