two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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