I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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