My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
