Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
