i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
