he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
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