i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
