It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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