shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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