The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
