Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Randomize
